Attack of the Rabid Squirrels
by Hiei-Rulez
Summary: [COMPLETED] Sequel to 'Attack of the Wild Turkeys' An Army of squirrels attack the Fellowship...but these squirrels have rabies. The World as we know it...is officially over.
1. Squirrel Attack!

**Summary- (Sequel to 'Attack of the Wild Turkeys') An army of squirrels attack the Fellowship...but the squirrels have Rabies. The World as we know it...is officially over!!!  
  
WARNING-Do not provoke squirrels...especially those with rabies. Instead, run them over in your shiny new convertible (three times if you want to be sure) and then dance victoriously on the hood of the car, scratching the paint so much that your Father will kill you and send you off to boarding school, over the fact that the annoying little creatures are...in fact...Road Kill. Then...find another innocent little creature, or another squirrel, and repeat the process.  
  
On another note...seeing as you've read the prequel to this fic...you are know considered by the Government (Or at least, by me) professionals...so you may NOW re-enact this fic however many ways you want to. If you do get hurt...you cannot press charges against me seeing as I did NOT tell you to wonder aimlessly through the parks provoking Rabid Squirrels (Or any normal squirrel and squirting them with whipped cream to make it look like they have Rabies) so you could re-enact this fic. If you haven't gotten the picture from this warning...let me say it again. YOU WILL GET HURT SO STAY INDOORS AND/OR AWAY FROM WILD ANIMALS!!! Thank you.  
  
Rabid Squirrels provided By...  
Well, actually, we just wondered aimless through the parks provoking Rabid squirrels and any normal squirrel and squirted them with whipped cream to make it seem like they have rabies. (The exact thing I told you not to do in the last paragraph) As a result of this...we lost 5 brave men to the squirrels wrath and another 10 were put in a mental constitution....against their will. (Thus showing us the power of Whipped Cream...it has always been against us) Parks have no security whatsoever...and I seriously doubt that they shall object to you if you provoke the squirrels.  
  
Well...I think I've covered everything.**  
  
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It was a very peaceful day in Rivendell. Aragorn was out hunting. He had so far resulted in chasing a large deer out into the middle of a clearing and was preparing to shoot. He would have hit it too...if a pesky little rodent hadn't decided to choose that opportune moment to run up his pants leg.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
Aragorn's scream echoed throughout the entire wood...and all the way into Rivendell where it reached the ears of two identical Elves.  
  
When Elladan and Elrohir finally reached the clearing, Aragorn was bouncing up and down shaking his leg.  
  
"GET IT OUT...GET IT OUT!"  
  
"Get what out?" asked Elrohir.  
  
Elladan shrugged and looked at Aragorn.  
  
"THERE'S A SQUIRREL IN MY PANTS!"  
  
Elladan and Elrohir burst out laughing. Aragorn frowned.  
  
"It's not funny...now GET THE DAMN THING OUTTA MY PANTS!"  
  
Elrohir looked at Elladan.  
  
"Oh no...I am NOT sticking my hand down there."  
  
"You have to...I did it last time."  
  
"Rock, Paper, Scissors...best two outta three."  
  
"Deal."  
  
And the Twins started to play Rock, Paper, Scissors. That is...until Legolas decided to grace them with his presence.  
  
"Hey guys...what's up?"  
  
Elladan and Elrohir looked at each other and grinned mischievously.  
  
"Oh Legolas, my here, would you."  
  
The two of them grabbed Legolas' arms and dragged him over to the still jiggling Aragorn.  
  
"Reach down there and pull out the small, moving furry thing." (It is NOT what it sounds like...I swear. IT'S A BLOODY SQUIRREL, DAMMIT)  
  
Legolas looked horrified.  
  
"Are you crazy...it's Elladan's turn. I've already done it."  
  
"Will you three stop arguing and GET THIS BLOOMING SQUIRREL OUT!"  
  
Well, the squirrel soon became bored from running around in there and simply jumped out, scratched it's little nose (In a very Cute way I might add) and went on it's way. Everybody just stared at it...then at Aragorn.  
  
"What?"  
  
Legolas raised an eyebrow and Elladan and Elrohir were both staring at him as if he had grown an extra head.  
  
"Why was there a squirrel up your pants?" asked Legolas. "Did the twins prank you again?"  
  
Elladan and Elrohir both put on mock looks of hurt.  
  
"We're shocked Legolas...you of all people, would accuse us of doing such a horrific thing?!?" Elrohir even pretended to cry for more affect.  
  
Legolas shook his head in amusement.  
  
"You pitiful elves."  
  
"Well we didn't do anything...yet."  
  
Silently, they all went back to Rivendell...to question Aragorn about his mysterious mishap in the forest.  
  
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**Well...there it is. I hope it's alright for the first chapter. And once again...for those who didn't understand me the first time...IT WAS A FRICKEN SQUIRREL...AND NOTHING ELSE...OK!!!  
  
Anyway...you all know the drill. R&R!!!**


	2. A Productive Meeting!

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Camp is bloody awful...but IT'S OVER!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I'M SPAZZING...AND I LIKE IT!!! Oh yeah...and I just saw I, Robot!!! YA-HOO!!! SPAZZING MORE...BECAUSE WILL SMITH IS AWESOME!!!  
  
Anyway...here is my glorious update.**  
  
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When the three elves and the human made it back into Rivendell, it was mid- afternoon. Elrohir had a strong hold on Aragorn's arm and was dragging him towards the room he and Elladan shared. Legolas and Elladan were trotting along behind them.  
  
"Ok, start talking Aragorn. What the hell happened?"  
  
Aragorn took a deep breath.  
  
"I was hunting and I was about to shoot this really big deer when a squirrel ran up my pants leg...so I missed the bloody deer and it ran off and I lost a good arrow too...and it's all that squirrels fault."  
  
The three elves stared at Aragorn with a confused look on their faces.  
  
"Um...ok. Back to the squirrel."  
  
"Oh yeah...well he was all biting me and scratching me and it really hurt so I started screaming and trying to get the bloody thing out and that was where you all found me."  
  
The three elves were still staring.  
  
"Um...ok I got lost after the 'bloody deer' part." said Legolas.  
  
Aragorn glared at the three elves.  
  
"I knew the squirrels were conspiring against us...I knew it since I was 10 and that squirrel threw a nut at me."  
  
"Um...Aragorn?" said Legolas quietly. "Did you take your medicine today?"  
  
Aragorn looked around. "Maybe."  
  
Elladan smirked. "It seems like our little brother is imagining things again."  
  
Elrohir nodded, the same identical smirk on his face. "Maybe we should call the Happy Hotel."  
  
"NO....I DON'T WANNA GO TO THE HAPPY HOTEL AGAIN! TO...MUCH...HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"  
  
Legolas raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Again?"  
  
"He was imagining three pink Cows asked him on a date...and he said yes."  
  
Legolas was about to reply, when the window burst open. In jumped 20 little brown squirrels with those Big Puppy eyes that are nowhere near as cute as Frodo's but still have the same affect.  
  
"Awwwwwww...how cute." Legolas grinned.  
  
Suddenly, the squirrels grew sharp pointy fangs...and foam started coming out of their mouths...and their eyes glowed red.  
  
"Kill...kill...kill...kill!"  
  
Aragorn looked horrified.  
  
"I told you!" he hissed before leaping to his feet and racing out of the room screaming like Pippin (which is like a girl)  
  
Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir all looked at each other.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
Then, they too ran out of the room. The squirrels right behind them.  
  
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A few days later, Aragorn called a meeting in Gondor. Everyone was there; Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry, Gimli, Gandalf, Faramir, Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir.  
  
"So, what's the big meeting for?" asked Pippin.  
  
"We are here to discus the new evil arising."  
  
Frodo looked terrified.  
  
"It isn't more Turkeys...is it?" he asked. Everyone else looked at Aragorn with the same look of fear.  
  
Aragorn shook his head.  
  
"It's not Turkeys...but it's worse."  
  
Everyone in the room (with the exception of Aragorn, Elladan, Elrohir, and Legolas) were all thinking 'What could be worse than Turkeys'.  
  
"Well, tell us already!" said Faramir.  
  
"Right...the squirrels are conspiring against us."  
  
It was very quiet. The silence lasted for a whole half-hour...until Pippin broke the silence with his banshee shriek.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
Frodo grinned.  
  
"Squirrels? Are you sure about this Aragorn?"  
  
Aragorn glared at Frodo, who shrank back in his seat...instantly regretting he said anything.  
  
"I'M NOT CRAZY, DAMMIT!"  
  
Legolas grabbed hold of Aragorn's shoulder to calm him down.  
  
"Nobody said you were, Aragorn, but you have to admit that the idea of squirrels taking over the world is kinda stupid."  
  
"Then please explain to me why you and my brothers came running out of their room screaming about rabid squirrels."  
  
Legolas blushed and Elladan and Elrohir coughed nervously.  
  
"Ok...he's telling the truth. If you don't believe me...look out the window and check out the squirrels all gathered outside the window chanting 'kill'." shouted Legolas.  
  
There was an instant stampede for the windows. Sure enough, there were a bunch of little brown rodents with fangs and foaming mouths chanting 'kill'.  
  
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"  
  
"HELP ME MOMMY!"  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
Aragorn, Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir all looked at each other and smiled.  
  
Another productive meeting to inform innocent people of an arising evil only to cause utter chaos and confusion until they commit suicide or are admitted into a mental institution, gone well!!!  
  
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**And that is the end of the second chapter.  
  
To My Reviewers:  
**  
Retrokitten87- Thank you very much. I love great potential for randomness. That's what gets me up every morning.  
  
Lomiothiel- Just because Aragorn's the King of Gondor does not mean that he can't visit his family. And no, Elladan and Elrohir did not play a trick on him. (for once) They were just about to stick a rattlesnake in Elrond's bed. Hmmm...maybe I shall make them do that and see what happens...just for the heck of it. And Rock, Paper, Scissors RULES!!!  
  
Im A Brandybuck- It's ok...although I was wondering where you were. I shall continue...I promise.  
  
BlackShadou- STAY AWAY FROM ME HARPY!!! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE (I do...really. She's my friend) Don't MAKE me call the Happy Hotel for you...and they shall make the Men in the White coats come and take you to the BIG white building and put you in a big white room and a white straightjacket. YOU DO NOT TOUCH THE HOT PINK ONE!!! That is reserved for Aragorn.  
  
**Ok!!! Now that that's over with...I can go away for another week to yet another boring camp (Thankfully, one that doesn't give homework) and think about I, Robot and all the other movies coming out that I MUST SEE!!!  
  
Going away now!!! Bye!!! (Runs away)**


	3. Another Battle for Middle Earth

**Hello there people!!! It's the update you've been waiting for.**  
  
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It was early in the morning. After running through the halls of the palace in sheer terror, screaming like babies...they all proceeded to collapse on the ground and fall asleep in very odd places.  
  
Faramir and Sam were the first ones to wake up. They peered out the window to see that the squirrels had vanished. But, they had left behind a little note...in acorns.  
  
The note read 'BEWARE...DEATH WILL BE YOURS'. Naturally, the two of them screamed...waking up the entire palace.  
  
"Wha...what's wrong?" yawned Aragorn from his spot on the floor.  
  
"The...the squirrels...are back." stammered Sam.  
  
"T...to KILL US!" yelped Faramir.  
  
There was another mad rush to the window.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
They all scrambled away to hide in all sorts of places. Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, and Gimli were hiding under the table. Elladan and Elrohir were crouched behind a curtain. Legolas was holding onto a light fixture, which was swinging dangerously. Gandalf and Faramir had barricaded themselves in (separate) closets. Pippin and Merry had locked themselves in the kitchen. And the other soldiers were just running around in circles flapping their arms and looking like complete idiots.  
  
Suddenly, Aragorn leapt out of his hiding place.  
  
"What are we doing?" he asked.  
  
"Well, we are acting like complete idiots by hiding from a bunch of little brown rodents who collect nuts and are somehow foaming at the mouth." explained Legolas.  
  
"I know that!" cried Aragorn. "But is it really necessary?"  
  
Faramir waved a hand in front of Aragorn's face.  
  
"Hello...rabid squirrels trying to KILL us. Yeah I think it's kinda necessary."  
  
Aragorn headed to the door and walked outside. Everyone looked at each other nervously before scrambling after him.  
  
They all found him looked down over the balcony; the same balcony where a few weeks ago, they had been battling the Turkeys on.  
  
"What are you staring at?" piped up Frodo as they all came up next to him.  
  
Aragorn silently pointed out in the distance in horror.  
  
Everyone looked...and quickly wished they hadn't.  
  
There was a large mob of small brown things coming towards Gondor. They were dragging along little catapults and large bushels of nuts. Somehow they also managed to get mini bi-bi guns.  
  
"Not another war...I still haven't gotten over the last one we had." moaned Merry.  
  
"Let's suit up." grumbled Sam.  
  
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When they came back out, they were dressed in their army costumes complete with advanced weaponry of mass destruction. (Bazookas, machine guns, rifles, revolvers, grenades, etc) All except Pippin, who was dressed in a clown suit.  
  
"Why am I dressed up as a clown?" he asked.  
  
"Because, you're the comic relief." explained Faramir as he loaded his machine gun.  
  
"Yeah." agreed Gimli. "You're always the comic relief Pippin."  
  
Pippin sighed and walked away. He just past the marble statue of Brad Pitt, when something small whizzed past his head and hit the stature with a bang. Little pieces of marble flew through the air, showering the Fellowship.  
  
"SQUIRREL ATTACK!" screamed Pippin. "DUCK AND COVER!"  
  
Everyone raced over to the balcony and dived to the ground just as a hoard of nuts came catapulting over the wall.  
  
Everyone raised their guns and fired at the little brown rodents assembled below. Squirrels flew left and right, emitting little high-pitched screams as they flew through the air.  
  
"Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...ROAD KILL!" laughed Aragorn as he fired non-stop into the mob.  
  
Yet another battle for control over Middle-Earth had begun.  
  
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**MUST...SEE...THE VILLAGE!!! It looks so GOOD!!! I bet anyone that during that movie, the entire audience will scream at least once...or somebody will scream.  
**  
**To my Reviewers:**  
  
Im A Brandybuck- Yeah, I think you're right. But I'll eventually think of something that'll happen when-if the squirrels are defeated.  
  
Retrokitten87- Which Elven friend? There's Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir. Oh well, maybe all of them are under your bed. If they are...please get them out and return them. I have something special in store for my little elves.  
  
Lomiothiel- Hehehe...yeah, the Happy Hotel. They have a special room made just for me. And go see I, Robot. You'll love it...especially if you love violence, robots, and Will Smith.  
  
BlackShadou- Maybe your prophecy from 7th grade is coming true. (Creepy music is heard) And Merry is all yours...maybe he's thinking of you.  
  
**Anyway...Read and Review as always. Stay cool, stay happy, AND STAY TUNED!!!**


	4. Sam Saves the Day, for now!

The next chapter has arrived. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Plus...I HAVE THE KING ARTHUR SOUNDTRACK!!! AND IT ROCKS!!!  
  
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The Battle raged on and on. Really...it did! You would think that little brown rodents that don't even reach up to our ankles would be easy to kill. But then again...you haven't fought thousands of them at once. Of course...never have I but that's not important.  
  
Anyway...Gimli and Legolas were once again engaged in a lets-see-who-can-kill- the-most-[insert enemy here] contest. So far Legolas was winning with his mini hand grenades and his silver shotgun and a total of 156. Gimli had his machine gun and total of 45. (This makes no sense...LIVE WITH IT)  
  
The others were simply shooting at any little brown thing that moved. Usually it was a squirrel. On occasion it was some idiot who decided to wonder into the middle of the fight and imitate the squirrels. (Town idiots...we all have them) Pippin, however, was running around in circles waving his arms around and looking like a complete idiot. This was a good thing, for the squirrels were staring at him and laughing their heads off which made it easier for The Fellowship and the others to kill them.  
  
"Are your fights always like this?" asked Elladan as he ducked a flaming acorn catapulted at him.  
  
"No...actually they usually involve a lot of unnecessary violence and name calling." answered Aragorn as he dodged a mini-mob of squirrels chasing him with makeshift flamethrowers.  
  
Elladan and Elrohir looked at each other.  
  
"We really should have stayed in Rivendell." said Elrohir as Elladan nodded.  
  
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(Meanwhile in Rivendell)  
  
"SQUIRRELS...SQUIRRELS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES...FLEE...HEAD FOR THE !" screamed Glorfindel as he bolted through the hallways.  
  
Elrond peeked out from his room.  
  
"What do you mean 'Squirrels'?" he asked.  
  
"They're attacking Lord Elrond." cried Glorfindel, grabbing hold of Elrond's sleeve and dragging him down the hall.  
  
"You...the mighty Balrog-slayer...are afraid of a bunch of little squirrels?" laughed Elrond.  
  
All of a sudden, a few of the guards raced past screaming at the top of their lungs about 'Rabid Squirrels' and whatnot.  
  
"I knew I should have listened to Estel when he warned us about this." moaned Glorfindel.  
  
"He was 10 years old and delusional from falling out of that tree." said Elrond rolling his eyes.  
  
Glorfindel frowned.  
  
"Fine...don't believe me. But I'm going somewhere safe." He raced off after the guards, leaving a laughing Elrond behind.  
  
"Squirrels...what are they thinking?"  
  
He turned the corner to find a bunch of the little creatures, all fangs and foam, blocking the way.  
  
"Uh-oh."  
  
Elrond raced down the hallway after Glorfindel screaming. The squirrels were courteous and gave him a 5 second head start before charging after him screaming in little high-pitched voices.  
  
Elrond burst into the room where all the other elves were hiding, and locked the door. Glorfindel looked at him.  
  
"Do you believe me now?"  
  
"Yup...we're screwed."  
  
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(Back in Gondor)  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" yelped Frodo. "I'VE BEEN HIT IN THE LEG!" he screamed giving the 'puppy eyes'. Everyone stopped and did a synchronized 'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww' and watched tearfully as Frodo was carried off the battle field.  
  
(Dramatic Music plays for a few minutes)  
  
Pippin loudly blew his nose on a tissue and some of the Squirrels could be seen wiping their eyes.  
  
Sam climbed up on the wall, two machine guns in hand.  
  
"WHO'S THE SORRY BASTARD WHO HURT MR. FRODO?" he yelled.  
  
All the Squirrels looked at each other. They had all heard the rumors of how violent Sam could get when he was angry...or when someone hurt Frodo. They all turned tail and ran.  
  
One brave little animal turned around and yelled out in a high voice that sounded suspiciously like Adam Sandler, "We'll be back!"  
  
Sam raised his machine gun and fired upon the thing. It scampered away after its fellow squirrels. Everyone watched from the top of the balcony...then they all let out a huge cheer.  
  
"THE CHEERS FOR SAMWISE GAMGEE!" cried Merry.  
  
Everyone raised a conveniently placed Beer Bottle and drank in Sam's name. Then they all headed inside to think of a new battle plan and feel sorry for Frodo.  
  
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That's the end of this chapter. I'm going to try and make this story a little bit longer then the first one. And for anyone who's going to see The Village...try not to scream. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
To my Reviewers:  
  
Im a Brandybuck- He's both...as I made clear in this chapter. And I envy you and your sister...I don't even know when I'm going to go see it.  
  
Iwish Chan- Thank you...I try to make it as funny as I can. I hope your friend enjoyed it as much as you did.  
  
Nienna-yavetil- Yup...it's the Third Battle the Fellowship has fought in for control over Middle-Earth. And they thought fighting Sauron was hard.  
  
BlackShadou- DIE WOMAN!!! (I can threaten her...because she's my friend) I still don't see why you can't see The Village...but I won't spoil it for you...when I eventually see it.  
  
Oh...and for all the Frodo Fan Girls out there...DON'T FLAME ME!!! I didn't mean to hurt Frodo...really. I like the guy...a lot. So anyway...I'm off to Washington DC. TO BE TOTALLY BORED!!! I'll see you in a week. Later!!! 


	5. Of Westerns and Soap Operas!

**Hello people! I'm back from Washington DC...and being totally BORED!!! Why it is whenever my family goes to Washington we end up just driving round in circles going to 'Historical' places? HAVE THEY EVER HEARD THE PHRASE 'KIDS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN'? Well...actually it's 'Girls just wanna have fun but...**  
  
The Fellowship: GET ON WITH IT!  
  
**Ok, ok...sheesh. Talk about impatient. Here's the Update.**  
  
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The next day the entire balcony was designed to look like a Western Film. Everyone was wearing a cowboy with hat, boots, and silver pistols. Wild West music blasted over a loudspeaker in the background. A tumbleweed bounced over the path.  
  
"Why are we doing this again?" asked Elladan as he fiddled with his hat.  
  
"Yeah," piped up Merry. "We look like idiots."  
  
Legolas raided an eyebrow.  
  
"Whadda ya mean...we?"  
  
Merry laughed nervously and quickly ran to hide behind Gandalf.  
  
Soon the squirrels appeared. They came marching along in angry mob form, chanting in little high-pitched voices 'Kill'.  
  
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**Author's Note: The reason they keep saying 'kill' is because they want to get rid of everyone except the squirrels and the black swans so they can rule the world with the help of their queen Barbie of Swan Lake and they shall make us their servants and it will be hell and we shall all die of food poisoning and other horrible and painful diseases. But then again...what can acorns do? (Gets hit with an Acorn) OW!!! Ok...who's the smart one who did that? KILL THE SQUIRRELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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The squirrels were carrying little bibi-guns. A few were dragging mini catapults and large baskets of acorns.  
  
"My God!" cried Faramir.  
  
"I know," said Aragorn. "Can squirrels really use bibi-guns?"  
  
Faramir covered his face with his hands and gave Legolas a We're-doomed look.  
  
Soon, the squirrels were on the balcony a few yards away. (They still remembered Sam) One of the squirrels stepped forward. Everyone pushed Aragorn forward as well.  
  
Then, in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Sponge-bob Squarepants, the squirrel spoke.  
  
"Give us your kingdom...and we shall let you go free."  
  
"YOU WON'T TAKE US ALIVE!" cried Aragorn...a little overly dramatic.  
  
"I'll give you $5 for it."  
  
"Make is $20"  
  
"$10"  
  
"$5"  
  
"$50 and that's my final offer."  
  
"SOLD!" yelled the entire Fellowship at once.  
  
The squirrel was about to take out his wallet when he finally realized what had just happened.  
  
"Wha...wait a minute."  
  
Everyone laughed.  
  
"A deal's a deal...hand over the cash" said Legolas with a laugh.  
  
The squirrel glared at everyone.  
  
"SQUIRRELS...ATTACK!"  
  
All the squirrels ran forward shooting wildly with the bibi-guns.  
  
The little bullets hit the fellowship...and bounced right off.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Hey...it's not working."  
  
"Uh-oh."  
  
Soon, the Fellowship was chasing the squirrels around the balcony. Some of the soldiers who hadn't managed to get a cowboy outfit were dressed up as Indians.  
  
"Does this loincloth make me look fat?" asked one of the guards.  
  
Another guard looked...and instantly regretted it.  
  
"AUGH...MY EYES!"  
  
The guard ran away crying.  
  
Suddenly, the squirrels stopped running. The Fellowship soon saw why and stopped as well. A flock of Black Swans had landed in front of the squirrels and from the looks of it, they were conversing about something. Then...  
  
"DIVE-BOMBERS!"  
  
When dive-bombing swans are coming at you at full speed, what do you do?  
  
"RUUUUN AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"  
  
Everyone turned tail and ran. All except Gandalf, who looked at his watch...noticed it was 10:30 and that his Soap Opera was on, sat down at a conveniently placed table with a TV on it...and began to watch. But the screams of his fellow comrades were so loud...he couldn't hear it.  
  
"WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP?!?"  
  
Everyone did.  
  
"Thank you...I'm trying to watch my Soap Opera here."  
  
Everyone looked at each other with curious looks on their faces.  
  
"Don't ask." said Pippin.  
  
Everyone (Including the Squirrels) went over to watch the Soap Opera with Gandalf.  
  
What was happening in the Soap: Roderick was about to break up with Lucy so he could go marry Jane...but Jane was cheating on Roderick because she was really in love with Lucy's older brother Mark. But Mark was already married to Yolanda who was about to have triplets. Lucy was heartbroken because she loved Roderick.  
  
"RODERICK...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
All in all...Soap Opera's are really confusing.  
  
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**Funniest book in the world...BORED OF THE RINGS!!! It's hilarious. Go to a Barnes and Noble and see if you can find it.  
  
To my Reviewers:  
**  
RivendellWriter- Yup...evil squirrels. My best friend spent all of 7th grade warning us about them.  
  
IwishChan- KUDOS FOR SAMMY!!! And I'm glad you and your friend are enjoying it.  
  
Nienna-yavetil- Ooh...good idea. If I don't do an Attack of the Wild Fan Girls thing...maybe you could do it. But Sam is good at using a lot of things. He's especially good with the Bazooka.  
  
Lomiothiel- Yup...they all should have listened to Estel back then.  
  
INMH- Elladan and Elrohir are Elrond's identical twin sons...in a way Aragorn's older brothers...much older.  
  
Retrokitten87- Here's the insanity. Enjoy. And GO SAM!!!  
  
Im a Brandybuck- WOW...your Birthday falls on the same day as Hidalgo comes out on Video and DVD. Happy Birthday!!! And I can't wait to see The Village either. I'm trying to see it with a friend. I hope you have fun. And yes...poor Frodo.  
  
**And that is all. A little bit of news though. I might be able to update soon and I might not. It really depends on if I can get to the computer before the 6th because then I am off on vacation with the family. YAWN!!! Cya!!!**


	6. And the fighting continues!

**Sorry it took so long with this update. I was in Massachusetts for the entire week and my mom had her laptop. I already had this chapter done...and I didn't want to do it over again so I couldn't update. Once again...I AM REALLY SORRY!!!**

The next day the entire Fellowship had gathered on the balcony awaiting the squirrels.

"I hope we don't have to settle this with another Karaoke contest." Frodo said. He was sitting in a wheelchair that Sam had stolen from a local hospital...his leg wrapped in a cast that was signed by all us fan girls.

"If we do...can I sing?' asked Gimli.

The reply was instant.

"NO!"

"I was just asking." muttered the dwarf as he stomped away.

Soon, the squirrels arrived...followed by a group of Black Swans.

Faramir leaned over to Aragorn.

"You did call in backup from Rohan...just in case?"

Aragorn nodded.

"They're waiting with their planes for our signal. One of the guards will call them with the radio."

Faramir smiled with relief and turned back towards the approaching enemy.

It was quiet for a few minutes until...

"FIRE!"

A volley of flaming acorns and rocks came flying over the wall.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Naturally, Pippin screamed like a girl and ran to hide.

"Bring out the Flyers of Rohan." Yelled Aragorn.

A guard sent the signal and a few seconds later 5 bomber planes soared overhead.

"Bombs Away!"

But instead of dropping bombs that blew things up...they dropped stink bombs.

Most of them landed on the squirrels and the black swans...but very few went astray and hit unsuspecting people.

"AUUUUUGH...MY EYES!"

"IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNSSSSSSSSSS!"

"I'M BLIND...I'M BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!"

Screams like this rang out throughout the entire day. By the time the screams died down it was 9:00 pm.

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"

Everyone froze and looked around to see who had yelled. The squirrels who had tried to by Gondor off them for $5 stepped forward.

"We'll make a deal with you." He cried. "We shall have a contest...the winner wins the entire battle and gets control over the world."

The Fellowship looked at each other and nodded in agreement.

"And the looser?" asked Legolas.

"The looser will stand at the mercy of an execution squad...and will die in any way the winner chooses."

Everyone looked nervous at this.

"Sounds good." said Aragorn before anyone could say anything else.

"ARAGORN!" yelled Gandalf. "What are you doing? You just gave them our Death Warrents."

Aragorn shrugged. "Oh c'mon...how hard could the challenge be?"

"The challenge Four!" shouted the squirrel, whose name was (coincidentally) Four is easy." laughed Merry and Pippin.

"Yeah!" agreed Sam.

Aragorn smiled happily. "And you all were so worried."

**It's short chapter. Meep!!! (Runs away)**

**To My Reviewers:**

Iwish Chan- Yup...$50 for Gondor. I'd like to buy that too...along with other things. (Imagines what else she could buy with $50) And technology is a very big thing in Middle-Earth. Aragorn has statues of Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger that he bought on E-Bay.

Retrokitten87- Cowboys and Indians style was pretty funny I guess. I thank that was from being forced to watch old Western movies at my Grandmother's house. And you are SO right about the random ending.

Lomiothiel- Yup...soaps are confusing. In the 6th grade...a friend was pretending that a soda machine was a soap opera and he was watching it...and it was probably by accident, but he yelled out 'No, don't marry him John.' That was one of the greatest lunch periods ever.

Im A Brandybuck- YOU SAW THE VILLAGE!!! The Envy!!! And you really should see Hidalgo...especially if you are a big Viggo Mortensen fan (Thank you very much) It's a good movie...and the Indian dude is hilarious.

Jamie Leigh- You'd probably enjoy Bored of the Rings. And me and my friends knew something was up when there was a large crowd of them outside the school window. But then somebody chased them away.

**Well...now I am going to type up a storm until I have to go to sleep away camp for 2 weeks. And I don't have much time since I'm leaving on Sunday. Gotta go!!!**


	7. Aragorn's loosing his mind!

**Hi. Sorry I haven't updated in a while...but our computer caught a virus and was being a total pain. Plus, I went back to the living hell known as school. But on the upside...THERE WAS A LAW&ORDER MARATHON ON LABOR DAY!!! WHOO-HOO!!! I was so happy.**

**Here's the glorious update that you've all been waiting for.**

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

"Connect Four?" cried Faramir when the others told him and the remaining soldiers in their secret fortress-type place.

"Of all the bloody things in the world, why did you have to pick Connect Four?'

Aragorn shrugged.

"Why couldn't it have been Karaoke again?"

Aragorn looked at the young man standing in front of him.

"Do you really want to have Gimli sing, Faramir?"

"No."

"Then you already know the answer to why we can't do Karaoke."

Gimli looked up from across the room where he was playing Poker with Merry and Sam.

"My singing isn't that bad."

Aragorn rolled his eyes.

"Uh...yeah it is."

Legolas came into the room holding at least 15 boxes of pizza.

"What are we talking about?"

"Aragorn just criticized Gimli's singing." Pippin said, taking a box from the elf.

Legolas nodded, snatching the box back from the hobbit and placing it on a table. Pippin took the box back, only to be tackled by a few hungry soldiers...and Sam.

"But why Connect Four?" asked Faramir for the 3rd time.

"Because, it helps with hand-eye coordination, you get plenty of exercise, and you learn a lot of new vocabulary words."

Faramir raised and eyebrow while Legolas laughed quietly from the pizza table.

"Sounds like you're describing dodgeball."

Aragorn glared at the other man and the blonde elf who was doing anything but hiding his amusement.

"Shut up Elf."

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

Meanwhile, in the squirrel stronghold, the squirrels were doing what they always did before a battle...or something that required much concentration. They were getting themselves drunk and singing show tunes on the table.

"TOMORROW...TOMORROW. I LOVE YA TOMORROW. YOU'RE ONLY A DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!"

Outside the room, Aragorn had been wondering aimlessly through the halls in search of the kitchen. Naturally, he overheard the sound of singing and raced back to the Fellowship to tell them.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

"Show Tunes?"

"Uh-huh."

Everyone was gathered around the Ranger as he rambled on. Legolas was once again in stitches.

"What's the harm with singing show tunes?" asked Pippin.

"The squirrels were singing them...for all you know, it could be a secret code or something."

Sam raised an eyebrow.

"So you're saying that singing 'Tomorrow' you are really saying 'The atomic weapons are locked, prepare to fire'." he said.

Aragorn nodded.

Frodo and Merry looked at each other and leapt on the table and began to sing in a loud voice.

"THE BEST WAY TO WEAR A STRIPED SWEATER...IS ALL THE TIME!"

Aragorn freaked.

"STOP SINGING DAMMIT!"

The others were laughing harder then anything.

"Face it Aragorn, you're loosing your mind." Legolas said between laughter.

"I'M NOT CRAZY! DON'T CALL THE MEN IN THE WHITE COATS!"

But nobody believed him.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

****

**Is Aragorn right? Are** **the Show Tunes really a secret code? Will the Fellowship call the men in the white coats? WILL THE MUTANT KILLER BUNNIES STOP TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD? IT'LL NEVER WORK!!! I STOPPED THEM BEFORE AND I'LL STOP THEM NOW!!! THEY SHALL NEVER WIN!!! NEVER!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry...caught in the moment there.**

**To My Reviewers:**

Im a Brandybuck- It almost made you cry? I didn't know it was that funny! Wow!!! I'm definitely pleased.

Hanna M.- I'm glad you liked it. And thanks for reviewing.

Iwish Chan- No...they bought that stuff from me. When I'm not writing fanfics and going to school I am making smoke bombs. They didn't by the planes from me though. I think they stole those from the U.S. Air Force. I'll tell them to give those back.

Jamie Leigh- Good for you. When you finish it...tell me what you thought.

Retrokitten87- I meant Connect Four. Stupid computer left the 'connect' out when I sent it in. Stupid hunk of junk. (Kicks computer) Hopefully your computer isn't as stupid as mine.

Aratfeniel- Keep screaming. We must warn the poor unsuspecting people who will most likely call the insane asylum on us. I now own a shirt that says 'Squirrels gone Wild'. Talk about getting the message across.

Moonyasha- As interesting as that sounds...I already have a challenge. Sorry. But...maybe I'll try another Karaoke fic that WON'T get taken off.

Nienna-Yavetil- Well...now my friend wants me to do an Attack of the Rabid Fangirls fic as a sequel to this one. But...maybe I can include you in it. She wants me to include her in it. If not...and you really want to do a Fangirls fic I give you my permission.

**Well...that's it. Don't expect me to update in a while. I still have homework. And we've only been in school for 3 days. Cya later.**


	8. Another Fellowship Victory!

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while. With school and everything I haven't had much time to get to a computer. And to add to my misery...I HAD WRITER'S BLOCK!!! But we're having a pep-rally at school...but the pep usually runs out after the first 5 min.**

**Oh yeah...and I just found out that I think that Tom Cruise is cute (shudder)!!!**

The next day, everyone filed into the game room. It was the same room that the Karaoke contest had been held last year. Everyone sat down in small chairs that were surrounding the table with the Connect Four board on it.

As usual, it started out with the normal insult throwing, small fights between the two sides, food and chair throwing (Wait...that never happened before...HEY STOP THAT!!! Gets hit with an apple Merry...watch where you throw things!) Eventually, it all died down to the death glares and face making and name calling that lasted for hours and hours until someone burst into tears or burst out laughing at somebody's face. Or, until someone yelled for the contest to start.

Soon, the contest began. Aragorn and a randomly picked squirrel with something that slightly resembled an afro sat down at the table to play. Aragorn was black...the afro squirrel (We'll call him Chuckie) was red. After a while...

"Connect Four!"

Cheers erupted from the Fellowship side of the room. The squirrels booed and the Fangirls who were watching (And being the personal cheering squad) from the sidelines glared and threw sharp, pointy objects at them. Sheldon stood up and faced Aragorn.

"Best two out of three."

Aragorn looked at the others. They all nodded. Legolas, Frodo, Pippin, and Merry were staring nervously at the Fangirls who had crazed looks on their faces and were drooling uncontrollably. Aragorn made a face and turned back to the large squirrel in front of him.

"Fine."

(Two hours later...)

"CONNECT FOUR, YES!"

More cheers from the Fellowship side as Legolas won a game. The Legolas Fangirls were waving green pom-poms and cheering. Their cheer sounded something like this...

"LEGGY, LEGGY, HE'S OUR ELF! WE KEEP DOLLS OF HIM ON A SHELF! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LEGOLAS!"

Frodo turned to Sam, who was sitting next to him.

"Did that cheer really make sense?"

Sam shrugged. In another section of the room, Gimli turned to Elladan and Elrohir and whispered,

"Why don't they ever cheer for me?"

The twins looked at each other and back at the dwarf.

"Think about it, Gimli."

Sheldon stood up again.

"PUNY HUMAN!!!"

Aragorn looked at Faramir.

"Um...dude...I think he's talkin' to you."

Faramir glared at Aragorn and pushed him forward.

"You bellowed?"

"Best three out of five...that's my final offer."

Aragorn shook his head.

"A deal's a deal, Sheldon. You lost...we won."

More cheers erupted from the Fellowship side of the room. The Fangirls were screaming loudly and hugging their chosen guys. And they weren't even objecting. Legolas, Frodo, and Pippin were hugging their Fangirls back and Merry was locked in a kiss with one of his while the rest were hugging him as well. (BlackShadou...I'm sure you are happy) It was another party.

Soon, the squirrels were gone. They had been packed away in little boxes and mailed off to Timbuktu. The Fellowship were having a Toga Party. All of them had used while bed sheets as togas and were running around screaming roman war cries and throwing spears, eating the food and extremely large cake that was on a table in the middle of the room, and singing karaoke. It was another victory for the Fellowship of the Ring.

**Yup...it's OVER!!! (Sob) And it was so good too. Oh well, that just means I'll have to write another story.**

**Special Thanks too-**

IMNH, IwishChan, Im a Brandybuck, Aratfeniel, Moonyasha, BlackShadou, nienna-yavetil, retrokitten87, Lomiothiel-YzaknNicol Fangirl, Dragon Rider 22, Jamie Leigh, and RivendellWriter. (If I forgot anybody, I'm sorry and I thank you too)

**I'll probably write a new story. But it won't be a sequel. I hope all of you stay tuned and review it when I eventually put it up. Thanks again for sticking with me all the way...although for the last few chapters I didn't update for months. Hopefully that won't happen again, but I can't promise anything. School might have other things planned. (shudder) Anyway...cya soon. Peace Out!!!**


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